off for a little walkabout...

new favorites...

if you look to your right, you'll notice i have added three new links to my favorites... i highly suggest checking em out.

toi protocol
octopus.dropkick
mindpixel

alas...

sometimes, i wonder what it's all for. i'm one of those types that always tries to do whats best. i tell the truth, take my hits, and keep trodding along thinking that what i am doing makes a difference. it sucks always trying to do the RightThing™. which makes me ask myself, why do i try and do the RightThing™ all the time? it's probably cause i suck at doing the wrong thing i guess. i always get caught.

when i was growing up, i used to shoplift all the time. cd players, beer, clothing, whatever i fancied, i'd steal it. all my friends were constantly amazed at what i could manage to rip off. i'd reach over counters at electronic stores, unlock the catches and steal minidisc players while i the person working there was turned around trying to get something off of a shelf. i could steal some items (like cigarettes) even when someone was lookin at me. and i'd never get caught.

actually, i did get caught, once.

when i was about 17 (at my prime as a thug), after a brief struggle with my dad over the possesion of his mustang (he won of course, ex-marines who served in korea are pretty good at kicking my ass...) i had run away to waikiki. jumping on the bus with a torn shirt, no shoes (i kicked them off as soon as I started running), no money and fewer friends, i knew i had to clean up and look normal or else get picked up by the cops for violating curfew (plus i was on probation and a repeat runaway). so if i got caught, i wouldn't be surfing for a while. i stop by Liberty House (a hawaiian version of macy's at the time) and gank me a new pair of boardshorts and a new shirt, and head out to waiks. it's not so conspicuous here to walk around barefoot, cause of all the beaches, but when i got to the strip, i felt out of place at 11pm without some slippers, so i duck into an ABC store and gank a pair. find a pair i like, drop em on the ground, put em on, twist the feet to break the tag, and walk out. i walk out, take a turn to my left, and as i duck into a back alley someone behind says "stop" and puts their hand on my shoulder. i think i knew i was busted, but that fight or flight kicked in, and as the guy squeezed my shoulder, i grabbed his hand, twisted it down and around so his chin would jut out, and cranked him as hard i could with my other hand.

as he was falling backwards, i caught a glimpse of something gold around his neck, hanging there on one of those silver chains you normally see dogtags on. it was a badge. goddamnit, i just knocked out a fucking cop. thats when it all hit me, all at once. for the last few years i was a complete fuckup. stealing, cutting school, doing drugs, busting people up. right then though, i realized that shit, this poor little guy in front of me never even had a chance (he was like 5'2", and i'm like 6'4"). he was laying there, knocked the fuck out (maybe dead for all i knew at that moment. i'd never hit someone that hard, or gotten it lined up that nice.), and here i was, not even half his age, assaulting a police officer for stealing a pair of slippers. shit, i could get my rights as a minor waved, a couple years in o-trips or ko'olau for this. for a fucking pair of slippers. i realized thats why my dad looked at me the way he did, cause he knew it'd catch up to me somehow, and that the faster i'd run, the harder i'd hit it when it did. what a fucking waste.

so i stooped over and checked the guy for a pulse, made sure his face handn't gotten anything broken, and slapped him until he woke up. he wasn't coherant yet, so i asked him if he was cool & helped him up. by the time we were back in the store he had come to his senses, handcuffed and roughed me up a bit and threw me in the storage room. ungrateful little shit. wouldn't even let me smoke a cig before he called the cops. yeap, before he called the cops. fucker wasn't even in the police. just some poor guy hired to be a storewalker, given a police badge for a bit more authority. so even though he pressed charges against me (which he later dropped), and i got busted for shoplifting (petty misdemenor, but i was a minor so would have gotten sealed in my records when i became an adult if the arresting officer had showed up to my trial, which he didn't, so that got dropped as well) i had gained a terrifying moment of clarity from it all. shortly after, i got put into a youth home, stopped doing meth, and started trying to do the RightThing™.

it's been ten years now, and i've tried my hardest to do the RightThing™. i'm not saying i'm good at it, but there have been alot of times wheni could have opted-out and taken the easy path when i didn't. i used to tell myself that it would be worth it someday. fuck the world, i was going to do it my way, and tough shit if there were any problems with it. but after ten years, i look back, and wonder if that was the best decision i could have made. i wonder what the other side is like, and if i'm even capable of that anymore.

i really need a vacation...

bits and pieces from around the jobsite..

believe me, it's all small stuff...

luxuria

i was talking with a friend this weekend about luxuries. like, when does a better way of life, become a luxury, and when does a luxury, become superficial?

like running water. once upon a time, there wasn't any. i'd imagine there were alot of buckets & grunting involved, just to take a bath in the privacy in one's home. if one wanted a hot bath, then you needed to get the fire wood, prep it, light it, heat the water, and transfer it to your bathtub. i don't know for certain if taking a hot bath has any real physical health benifits to say, taking a cold bath, but i do know what a luxury taking a hot bath after months of cold showers can be. it's down right orgasmic. better than coffe, a cigarette, and a blowjob all at the same time.

then i thought, that's what makes a better way of life a luxury. when you realize the trouble it takes. you realize it, and you still indulge yourself.

now a days, everyone has hot water. everyone has electricity, everyone has a phone. here where i live, you better have a pretty good excuse for not being able to get yourself fed, housed, clothed, and paid. so all these better ways of living, being able to refridgerate food. shit, being able to go to a grocery store and buy food, were at one time or another a luxury for some folks.

thats when i though, thats what makes a luxury into a superficiality. when you forget the trouble it takes. you expect it to always be that way, and fuck everything else.

< rant >
it's a frightening trend i'm beginning to notice amongst people all over. things get done that way, because thats the only way they have seen it done. everyone just passes the buck to someone else, and eventually it'll get done. god, it's almost like with all our technology and knowledge, we are only raising our future to be worse off then we were. what the fuck happened to earning an honest dollar?
< /rant >

damn, this makes me feel so tired...

this long exposure thing is alot of fun.

i think amazing things happen every day. it just depends on where you look.

happy birthday to me.

just another beautiful day in paradise...

always take the long way home.

the 99.9% theory

99.9% of the people you see everyday. not neccesarily the people you know, or the people you interact with, but the people you see standing in line, crossing the street, checking their mail. i beleive that 99.9% of those people are dumber than a can of hair...

i had a long conversation last night with my roomie about my 99.9% theory. it all started with einstein. i can't remember where i had heard it, but he used to wear a button that had 3% on it. he believed that if 3% of the world stopped participating in it, war would cease to exist. statistically, i beleive that could very well be true (it's just getting that certain 3% to stop, thats the tricky part).

so throughout my life, i've never owned a car. driven a handful of times, and lack any real desire to do so any time soon (mostly cause i think that driving around a 2 ton chunk of metal at anything over 10 mph is way too much responsibility for a space cadet like me to have). i do happen to like it though. it affords me a past time that i don't think alot of people really have time for any more, and thats watching. i love to just sit back and boggle at the countless ways that everyday people do everyday things. it blows me away that there are SO MANY PEOPLE out there, and everyone does their own thing, buys their own groceries, and basically, gets along. so onto my theory...

have you ever been walking down the street, and not pick up on one of your feet enough, only to semi-trip your self, and stagger a few steps? do you always look around, to make sure no one saw you make a complete idiot out of yourself, then get that stupid grin on your face when you are sure that no one noticed?

i know i do. and i've seen it happen so many times, i'm pretty sure you have too. take a step a bit too long, and you knee locks wher eit's not supposed to, so your foot slides out until either it hits something or you do one of those funky there-is-underwear-up-my-butt steps? me too.

i've seen people get hit by cars, and people fall out the back of moving trucks (or well, at least the immediate aftermath...), i've seen people electrocute themselves, i've seen people drive mopeds into lightpoles. when iwas younger, i'd just attribute it to them being stupid. fucking dumbasses, all of them.

but not anymore. if the rest of the world is 99.9% stupid, then aw fuck, so am i. i'd like to think i'm a one of a kind (which i am...), but there is nothing that amazing about me, i got all fingers & toes, i eat meat, i smoke cigarettes. i can't fly, nor do i have the ability to talk to aquatic life. so that makes me pretty fucking average, just like the rest of you idjits, i'm 99.9% stupid. i've electrocuted myself, i've gotten hit by cars. damn, there have been a few times i've actaully set myself on fire. thinking back on it all, there MUST have been a point of view, someone else watching me, just shakin their head thinkin' ' that guys a fucking dumb ass!'.

just as long as i never catch em chuckling, while they watch me from a moving car, i think i'll be okay.